Transition update (1 year 10 months HRT)

Been a while since I did an update on my transition. I guess my transition has been successful thus far, because my gender is not the primary focus of my life now. A while back I had my dose of testosterone blockers doubled, and I switched to a bio-identical progesterone, which seemed to help a lot with my body shape overall. Less bloating than the synthetic. My estrogen is the same as it always has been (2 mg daily), and though I feel like I could use more, I appreciate my doctors concerns regarding a history of stroke in my family.

Breast growth continues, and they are beautiful and perky and pushing towards a C cup. I threw away all my old triple padded bra’s and even in a sports bra they look nice. I bought a bunch of new bras a while back and it is so nice to wear a bra that fits properly.

My main body issue at this time is my “love handles” but that is just a matter of more exercise. Laser hair removal is going great, and I have not had to wear foundation or powder makeup to cover facial hair since my last session 7 weeks ago. This has been the single most liberating development so far. Without all the makeup I look more natural and feminine, and younger.

I often get hit on by guys in social situations, and recently one of my close friends admitted to me that he has feelings for me. I have always had the hots for him so this is a good development. And since he is a straight guy who is wanted by many women around town, it makes me feel very validated. He could have any woman he wants, but I am the one he spends the most time with. I gotta admit it makes me feel amazing.

I very rarely get ‘read” anymore, and when i do people are quick to my defense. My personality tends to win over even the haters. I have been spending a of time out at the local bars and other public gathering places. Life is for the most part very “normal” as it should be. My past is fading into the distance and the new me shines brightly.

The new job is going well, being a chef seems to be my calling and I love the fact I work in a fine restaurant where the food is the number one priority. Having a job has been amazing for my self esteem and for my social life. And since I have a passion to make cooking a career, I couldn’t be luckier to be learning from a chef with decades of experience. My co-workers all seem to genuinely like me, and I really couldn’t be happier as far as employment goes.                                           

Life is pretty much balancing out and I no longer think about my gender, I just be myself. Hormone therapy and laser hair removal have been worth every single penny, and all the hardships of being trans* in a straight world are beginning to pay off. It’s been a lot of work, a hell of a ride, and I have lost a lot of people. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I now have the life I always dreamed, what more could I ask for?

On a personal note I have decided that I am no longer doing “relationships” as a defined thing… if someone wants to be in my life they need to put in work, not just expect me to be there because of a piece of paper or some word like “relationship”.

I’m sick of everyone’s depression and mental health issues becoming my personal problem. Sort out your own shit and bring something to the table besides your baggage. I want positive people in my life and I want us to lift one another, not drag each other down.

I will not come down to your level, you must come up to mine or find a new person to wallow in darkness with.

I am a powerful force for positive and happiness, and I won’t have that light dimmed anymore.

As for future plans? Well, now that my arms, chest and face are all hairless, maybe I will do laser on my legs and bikini area. As for surgery well… I honestly don’t know anymore. I am really happy with my body this way, and although I do feel dysphoric about sex sometimes these feelings generally only arise when i am with women. When I am with a guy there is really no dysphoria to speak of, though I still cant really top a guy. I guess that is my dysphoria line? Trying to break that line as well at some point.

I think this leads to my next challenge, which is much more painful than surgery: cutting the women out of my love life and focusing on finding that special guy.

who knows…